I used to believe that faking it until you make it was the way to gain confidence. I thought that if I could just act like I was confident, eventually I would become confident. But I soon realized that this approach only gets you so far.
For me, this realization came when my ex-boss was not confident, instead, they were showcasing qualities of bravado. Bravado is defined as a bold manner or a show of boldness intended to impress or intimidate. What I didn’t understand at the time was that bravado is just a mask for insecurity. And while my ex-boss may have fooled others with their false sense of confidence, it was eventually found out and they were thrown out.
Sometimes bravado is shown when we dance. When learning how to dance, you finally think, wow, I nailed the move, or, I kinda look sexy. That first initial boost of confidence. But, some dancers don’t actually exhibit confidence. What they are exhibiting is bravado. What I mean by that is, they’re giving their energy away. They’re performing for other people in the room instead of themselves. They’re still looking for approval. Faking it until they make it….
And to that, I say, continue to dance, find flow, and really look deep within. Why are you “showing out” and showing off?” Getting someone else’s approval isn’t going to give you confidence…sure, it helps…but, you really need to feel confidence in your body before you can be truly confident. You need to work on allowing your body to connect to the movement, allowing it to show you where it wants to move.
When I first started pole dancing, I didn’t understand that concept. I was continuing to look for the next best trick or flip myself upside down. Hell, sometimes the thrill seeker in me still loves to do that. BUT, the real confidence I gained was when I allowed my body to flow, to feel, to be sensual in all of my being…through the movement of pole dance….and by not giving my energy away to other people. Instead, embracing my body, connecting to my body, and embodying my sensuality. You can start by touch. When was the last time you hugged yourself? When was the last time you touched your own body when dancing? When I teach my beginners how to pole dance, they’re afraid to touch their own skin in a caressing way! There’s this underlying notion of what other people will think. You’re in a pole dance class, it’s OK, we are all going to do it! Being afraid to touch your own body…if you’re afraid, how will you get another to touch you the way you want? Well, I digress…
Pole dance really made me much more comfortable in my own skin. I believe when the body, mind, and spirit are aligned and connected, joy will come naturally to you. Pole dance really helped me with that connection with my body, and I believe it will give you the same. Let’s not fake confidence, let’s embody it!