As a child, when we incurred disappointment from a parent, a family member, or a teacher, we shamed ourselves for it. We never forgave ourselves for it. This is the reason why so many people say they can’t do something before they even try it, or they try to be a perfectionist to avoid disappointment. I’m here to say, those people, teachers, parents, friends, family…they can be disappointed in you, but they still love you. You also need to manage your feedback. If someone is disappointed in you, including if you’re disappointed in yourself, find out why. Manage your feedback….that’ll help you manage your decisions. Decisions that’ll serve you instead of shame you.
The feeling of disappointment is temporary, so why are you harboring it? Why are you bringing it into your adult life? Why are you allowing someone else’s disappointment to make decisions that don’t serve you?
Maybe you are a really good singer, but someone in your family told you, “oh gosh, children are meant to be seen, not heard.” Or, “Oh gosh, who sings that song? Beyonce? Exactly, let her sing it.” These are disappointing statements, bringing on shame and disappointment in our bodies and minds.
Let’s take a few steps to remove it:
- Remember a time someone was disappointed in you. Take a moment to thank that person for caring enough to actually feel that disappointment, and note that it is only a temporary feeling. Note that they love you, and you’re not inadequate of receiving love.
- Notice that you’re also OK. They may have been disappointed but you are okay! If you notice, maybe the love between you and said person is actually stronger than the disappointment…and if that’s the case, you can work on getting through that problem. And you can try again. If it’s not, and the disappointment is larger than the love, then, this is more toxic, and maybe this someone is a person you should remove from your life. If that’s not possible, try to regulate your emotions. You are OK, you are worthy of receiving love, this disappointment is only temporary.
- Explore movement in your body. Explore, see where you feel that disappointment. Is there blockage? What does it feel like? Dance it out…move through it, and see if you can release the shame. It’s not yours to begin with.
For me, when I’m disappointed in a student it’s only because I know they can do it and I believe in them more than they believe in themselves. The disappointment is temporary and quickly turns into motivation and encouragement, reminding them that all they need to do is try, and practice. And, I want them to know: I still love you.
Much love,
Tash
Xoxo